The book proposal is done and mailed...

The proposal is done. I finished it last Friday. It went into the mail, and now I wait.

There's more to it than that, of course. There's a very deep aspect to completing something. Especially something that's part of what you really desire and feel called to, like you must do, hard or easy. But I spent the next two days in a kind of a daze, watching 4 videos in 2 days, just getting my footing on this new plateau. I'm still in the process of sending down roots, reaching up to the stars. Do I dare allow myself to envision the best, to cut off doubts at the root?

There is more to it than this. There is family stuff, the daring past the undone things, pioneering into the unknown, even the hoped-for unknown. There is a lot I could say, which I think has value to say, because endings are not just a finger snap. There is a lot that arises, and someone within must be present to soothe the fears, help one grow into the enlarged vista and capacity. That someone is there, but while I was watching videos and wrapping myself in a comforting shawl-blanket, I'm not sure I could hear that voice.

Now, 5 days later, something steady comes in, or comes back. For as much work and hope and effort and new learning as you put into something, including something that's in the service of all you hold dear, there is still the reality that you are worthwhile just because you are, and not because you have accomplished a Herculean feat, even though you have.

I'm very happy to have been able to share this journey with you, this far. The journey of the journey of The Blessings Ledger. I anticipate there will be other things to tell. Meanwhile, I now realize that I know so much more than I did, and have the internal substance and confidence about proposals and what they stand for, that I went ahead and applied for a writer's residence retreat, with room, board, and nature, where I might write some of the actual book. I thought, "Now I know how to apply for things," and worlds open up. All you need is to keep perspective, not to take rejections personally, and to keep going if one door closes, and trust another is really opening.